Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Saddam Hussein:  This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Saeed Al Sahaf (Iraqi Head of Information):  The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We do not even have a chicken.

George W Bush:  We don't care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either for us or against us. There is no middle ground.

Tony Blair:  I agree with George.

Colin Powell:  Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

Hans Blix:  We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

Kofi Anan:  We have yet to pass a resolution commissioning the identification of this animal and it is far too early to discuss any road.

Andersen Consultant:  Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

Aristotle:  It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Pat Buchanan:  To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

Buddha:  Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

Bill Clinton:  By your definition, I did not have sexual relations with that chicken. I did not.

Darwin:  Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

Einstein:  Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken? It depends upon your frame of reference.

Ralph Waldo Emerson:  The chicken did not cross the road .. it transcended it.

Louis Farrakhan:  The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

Freud:  The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Bill Gates:  eChicken2003 will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your chick book - and Internet Eggsplorer is an integral part of eChicken2003.

Grandpa:  In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Ernest Hemingway:  To die. In the rain.

Hippocrates:  Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

Martin Luther King, Jr.:  I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Captain James T. Kirk:  To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Timothy Leary:  Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.

Machiavelli:  The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

Karl Marx:  It was an historical inevitability.

Moses:  And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken didst cross the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Fox Mulder:  You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

Jack Nicholson:  'cause it f___ing wanted to. That's the f___ing reason.

Richard M. Nixon:  The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. I don't know any chickens. I have never known any chickens.

Plato:  For the greater good.

L.A. Police Department:  Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.

Ronald Reagan:  What chicken? I don't remember a chicken.

Colonel Sanders:  I missed one?

Jerry Seinfeld:  Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"

Dr. Seuss:  Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, I've not been told!

Oliver Stone:  The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"


Kindergarten Teacher:  To get to the other side.