You know you've had too much coffee when...

  • Instant coffee takes too long
  • People get dizzy just watching you.
  • The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
  • The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
  • You answer the door before people knock.
  • You can jump-start your car without cables.
  • You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
  • You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
  • You can type sixty words a minute with your feet
  • You channel surf faster without a remote.
  • You chew on other people's fingernails
  • You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore
  • You don't sweat, you percolate.
  • You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
  • You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
  • You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee
  • You go to sleep, just so you can wake up and smell the coffee
  • You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
  • You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
  • You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
  • You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse
  • You help your dog chase its tail
  • You know you are addicted to coffee if ...
  • You lick your coffeepot clean
  • You short out motion detectors.
  • You ski uphill.
  • You sleep with your eyes open
  • You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
  • You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
  • Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
  • Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hook-up.
  • Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
  • You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
  • You're so wired you pick up FM radio
  • You're the employee of the month at Starbucks and you don't even work there
  • You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
  • You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.