Signs Seen Somewhere

Sign In A Laundromat: Automatic Washing Machines: Please Remove All Your Clothes When The Light Goes Out
Sign In A London Department Store: Bargain Basement Upstairs
In An Office: Would The Person Who Took The Step Ladder Yesterday Please Bring It Back Or Further Steps Will Be Taken
In An Office: After Tea Break Staff Should Empty The Teapot And Stand Upside Down On The Draining Board
On A Church Door: This Is The Gate Of Heaven. Enter Ye All By This Door. (This Door Is Kept Locked Because Of The Draft. Please Use Side Door.)
Outside A Second-Hand Shop: We Exchange Anything - Bicycles, Washing Machines Etc. Why Not Bring Your Wife Along And Get A Wonderful Bargain?
Sign Outside A New Town Hall Which Was To Be Opened By The Prince Of Wales: The Town Hall Is Closed Until Opening. It Will Remain Closed After Being Opened. Open Tomorrow.
Outside A Photographer's Studio: Out To Lunch: If Not Back By Five, Out For Dinner Also
Outside A Disco: Smarts Is The Most Exclusive Disco In Town. Everyone Welcome
Sign Warning Of Quicksand: Quicksand. Any Person Passing This Point Will Be Drowned. By Order Of The District Council
Notice Sent To Residents Of A Wiltshire Parish: Due To Increasing Problems With Letter Louts And Vandals We Must Ask Anyone With Relatives Buried In The Graveyard To Do Their Best To Keep Them In Order
Notice In A Dry Cleaner's Window: Anyone Leaving Their Garments Here For More Than 30 Days Will Be Disposed Of
Sign On Motorway Garage: Please Do Not Smoke Near Our Petrol Pumps. Your Life May Not Be Worth Much But Our Petrol Is
Notice In Health Food Shop Window: Closed Due To Illness
Spotted In A Safari Park: Elephants Please Stay In Your Car
Notice In A Field: The Farmer Allows Walkers To Cross The Field For Free, But The Bull Charges
Sign On A Repair Shop Door: We Can Repair Anything. (Please Knock Hard On The Door - The Bell Doesn't Work)
Spotted In A Toilet In A London Office Block: Toilet Out Of Order. Please Use Floor Below
Sign In Egyptian Hotel: If You Require Room Service, Please Open Door And Shout, "Room Service!"